Mothers and Daughters in the body image battle

One thing I notice when I talk to other women who have issues with body image as adults is that their relationship with their mother can either make or break their confidence, and unfortunately more often its the latter. Sometimes this is a direct result of 'nagging' by mum, or direct criticism, but other times it can be more passive. Sometimes its a feeling of inadequacy that you will never look as good as mum. In any case, I find it hard to believe as a mother of daughters, that a mother would intentionally destroy her daughter's self esteem, but it happens none the less.

My mother has played a huge role in the way I look at myself in the mirror. It doesn't help that we are completely different body shapes on top of that. She can't see me without ever saying something about my weight. Sometimes it's a compliment, most of the time it's "you're looking a little wide around the middle, at least you have your hair." Not exactly positive or encouraging! For as long as I can remember she has made a big deal about weight, even when I was only a little girl, poking at my tummy and telling me to lay off the biscuits or I'll turn into a fatty. Sometimes its out of love, sometimes it's to be a bitch, but it's always bad news. What's worse is so many of my friends can tell similar stories.

I get that it's looking out for my well being and health, but as they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

So what do we, as mothers, do? Maybe if my mother had taught me how to eat right from the start I would never be this way, of course maybe if she didn't marry and procreate with my Dad (Mr. Plod in human form) then that would have helped too! I'm unfortunately built like him. Maybe if I had someone to teach me how to dress, or even just someone who had time for me.

Whatever the answer, I know one thing is for sure, it starts with how mothers feel about themselves. If we feel good about our bodies, we pass on our confidence and our knowledge to our daughters, so that they can build strong foundations on which to build their self esteem. We pass on our habits to our kids, so if we stand in front of the mirror and tear ourselves down, that is the behaviour they will learn. If we are constantly worried about whether something makes us look fat, or pointing it out to other people, then that is the example we are setting, and that is the behaviour we are teaching.

Mums, lead by example, and make that example positive!